J. Lee Thompson  directed this 1981 slasher about a girl named Virginia, whose clique of friends is slowly picked off by a mysterious leather glove wearing killer. The film strives to mislead the viewer, suggesting a varying array of potential culprits, throughout. It's end, however, will leave you agape (and I mean this in the worst way possible).

     To be perfectly fair, where slasher flicks are concerned, this film really isn't too bad. One, undoubtedly, lowers their standards when viewing a film like this. Thus, despite most every aspect of the film being quite poor, when compared to it's kin, it can take on somewhat of a better appearance. There are, however, several nagging problems, which might even turn off some hardcore fans.

     Centered around the 'top students' at a private school, in particular, a girl named Virginia (Melissa Sue Anderson), the film begins on the night that the friends begin to, inexplicably, be murdered. The suggested culprits range from a nerdy kid who carries around a rat, to some fat bitch, all the way to a blond dirtbike-riding faggot who sneaks into peoples windows and steals their underwear. To delve much further into the plot, however, would require revealing the killer, and while I've no illusions that anyone really cares, I'll not spoil it for you, in case you're ever so bored as to actually watch this film. The killer is revealed somewhere past the halfway point in the film, and, though I am thereby forced to withhold information from that point and thereafter, to say that the killer is truly 'revealed' wouldn't even actually be accurate. And, unfortunately, everything up to that point is little more than 'kill, kill...shitty flashback...kill'.

     The film plays at a mix of slasher and psychological thriller, failing to excel in either area. The protagonist, Virgina, was the victim of a terrible accident, which culminated in brain surgery. During the course of the film, more and more of her accident, and it's lead up, are revealed, and, subsequently, poor Virginia grows more and more strung out. The mixture of flashback and reality, with all this pseudo-psychological crap, makes for a film so convoluted that it is hardly watchable. Add to this the fact that every 'twist' is made visible a mile away, with the only notable exception being the film's end. And, oh, what an end it was. The final scene begins on a note of ridiculousness and, with each exchange, merely degrades it further. There is no defending yourself, but to look away and shake your head. Of course, having sat through all 110 minutes of this film, only to find this at it's end, you will most certainly be wanting to. Evidently, the filmmakers were dissatisfied with their original ending, as written, and so began filming without a determined end. And, in watching this film, it really does show.

     The acting was okay, by which I mean it was bad, but for a slasher, it could have been much worse. Nothing to write home about, in that respect. The music varied throughout the film, in terms of effectiveness. The main theme, an eerie piano refrain, I felt worked for much of the film. The deaths, however, were accompanied by the most over-the-top, melodramatic musical cues one could imagine, and merely enhanced the absurdity of the deaths depicted. And, while on the topic of deaths, I am brought to the subject of special effects, an integral part of any slasher flick. When the acting is terrible, the story-telling, god-awful, one should, at very least, be able to expect some cheap thrills in the way of special effects. Not here. Of the sprawling array of bizarre and ridiculous deaths depicted in this film, each equates to an effect little more intricate than a splash a blood. In fact, as the film progresses, the deaths actually become less and less realistic, as though the filmmakers were saying, “Fuck it. This movie sucks. Just throw some more blood on 'a bitch.”

     Albeit, some of the makeup effects were decent, and the brain surgery scene was pretty cool, however, fans of the genre come for the kills, and when it's on screen, they want to SEE it. By this I mean, if you're going to show a man getting his face removed by the tire of a running motorbike, we want to believe it, and we want chunks of human flesh! Understandably, budget, as well as technical issues may serve as a restraint, however, the spray bottle of blood off-screen gag grows tiresome after a few times, especially in a film where the gore would have been it's only asset.    

     Overall, “Happy Birthday to Me” is a delightful family film that you will cherish for years to come. In all seriousness though, this is a film for people who like to come home everyday, sit alone and eat birthday cake whilst singing Happy Birthday to themselves. Unfortunately, I happen to fit into that demographic, however, I  can still say that I disliked this film. If you're a fan of general horror, I wouldn't bother with it. If you're a fan of slasher films, I still wouldn't bother with it, as the deaths are far spread, and poorly executed, and much of the film is dedicated to the psychological aspects of the killings. If you are a fan of psychological thrillers...fuck it. No one watch this movie. You will get AIDS.